So very often in our parents' groups, our one-on-one interactions with our clients, in birth, or in the earliest days home with our families, we hear new parents retelling parts of their journey start their stories with the phrase, "I wanted to {do X, Y, Z}, but ..." .

Today on the blog, our IBCLC, Victoria Facelli shares this important reminder for new parents who find themselves doing the same, and what Goals-Based Feeding Support really means. 

I came across an Instagram post the other day: 

“You are enough. You are so enough.
It is unbelievable how enough you are,” Sierra Boggess 

(Look, she played the little mermaid on broadway, so she knows what she is talking about.)

Why did this quote hit me like a ton of bricks? Because I want to say this to families every day.

We hear it over and over again: “I tried to breastfeed but…” We hear parents feeling like they have to excuse themselves for doing what was best for themselves or their babies. We hear them justify to someone why they aren’t enough. 

But you are enough, no matter how your baby is fed. 

I want you to write it on your mirror. I want you to put it on a big post-it on your pumping bag. I want you to write it on the top of the formula can. I want you to say it to yourself at every late night wake up. 

Goals-Based Infant Feeding means that we leave space for all kinds of feeding styles, but it also it means that we allow space for your goals to change.

When your intention was to exclusively breastfeed, but IGT or a tongue tie, or returning to work got in the way, so many parents feel like failures. They feel disappointed they didn’t meet their goal.

My goal as your lactation consultant is help you meet your goals, but also to let those goals change.

When our goals change it doesn’t mean we failed, it means that something became more important than that goal.

Maybe that was your baby’s weight gain, or the career you’ve worked so hard for, or finding a way to no longer being in pain, all so you can be a better parent in other ways. 

Feeding isn't parenting.

So many of us feel like we have to excuse ourselves for not feeding babies is exactly one way (usually, that means "exclusive breastfeeding for six months, adding complimentary foods, and continuing to one year"). Not only is that ear worm a Shame Trap, it doesn’t capture the experience of parenting.

Parenting is complicated. It doesn’t fit neatly into an easy public health sound bite. I want every parent to get the support they need to meet their goals. And better yet, I want every parent to get the support throughout their experience, allowing their goals to change and shift as their experience changes and shifts. 

So next time you feel the need to apologize for or excuse how your baby is fed, instead, say to yourself “I am enough. My love and care for this baby is enough, regardless of how my baby gets fed.” 

Easier said than done, I know. So maybe just try writing it on a Post-It, first and build up to daily mantras. 

“You are enough. You are so enough.
It is unbelievable how enough you are.”
-Sierra Boggess